The 5 Worst Mistakes To Make In An Affair
Published: 25th November, 2021
As human beings we all have certain needs. According to experts, there are 6 of these so-called ‘Human Needs’:
- Uncertainty / Variety
- Connection / Love
If your connection / love needs are not being met within your relationship, this can lead to frustration, and chances are you will look outside of your relationship to satisfy them.
This can be tricky and lead to all sorts of issues. If you embark on an affair for example, you may develop feelings for your affair partner.
The feelings of lust can become overwhelming, but you do need to think about certain things if you are going to proceed in having an affair.
If the above sounds like you, then take a look below:
1. Changing Your Routine
Whether you are aware of it or not, humans learn by repetition, starting from our first steps and learning to speak. This means that we also see patterns in our daily lives, usually subconsciously. If you are a 9 to 5 type of person and then you become all random with your timings, this will end up getting noticed.
If you say you have joined a gym, you actually do need to go to the gym. Let’s face it most of us have a gym subscription and don’t ever go anyway!
Make Your Affair Partner Accommodate Your Needs Too
Your affair partner needs to change their patterns to accommodate you too. If you share the blame, theoretically it is halved. So do not take all of the burden on yourself, as you both have things to lose.
2. Being Defensive
Even if you are very careful with your affair, your partner is bound to ask some questions. For example, if you are looking shifty whilst on your phone, it goes without saying that it will look suspicious. If your partner asks about this, instead of getting defensive, answer their question, but make sure to have a good excuse!
Of course you have the right to privacy, but if you’re living with your partner, it’s something that you’ve already compromised.
It is always better to avoid situations where you could get caught. Text your affair partner when you have 5 minutes to yourself and not all the time, and also try to meet at neutral venues. Do not take any unnecessary risks. Yes, the danger aspect is hot but not if you get caught!
3. Smelling Of Perfume/Aftershave & Dressing Differently
Again, this is a common mistake because our instinct is to smell and look good. Resisting the urge to bathe in Sauvage or Chanel No.5 is important. Also, dressing up in your finest clothes when you are supposed to be doing the weekly shopping is just going to look weird.
Just remember, you aren’t single, and this is not about pulling someone else. You already have your affair partner. Chances are they will want to rip your clothes off anyway, without the need of smelling like the Dior factory.
No Need For Strong Smelling Perfumes
You have other characteristics that make your adulterous partner filled with lust, so just concentrate on those. If you come home smelling of someone else’s perfume or aftershave, it is bound to arouse suspicion.
4. Going To The Same Places As Your Partner Or Spouse
This might seem like a good idea as the location will be familiar, but it is also fraught with danger.
Playing footsie under the table, being all flirty and teasing each other is fun, but not if you get caught by one of your partners family or friends. Now that is a close call of getting caught with your pants down. Having an affair should not be full of worry, it should be sexy and fun!
Avoid These Places Whenever You Can
It will be fun to mix it up a bit anyway. Go to new surroundings and find new places. You may even find somewhere to have a bit of outdoor fun. If you are careful, you can live out your fantasies and try new things. After all this is what your affair is about, right?
5. Getting Caught
The big one! If you do get caught, be apologetic. This will be an emotional time for both of you. Your partner might not even have been aware of how you were feeling.
A lot of people blame their partner for making them feel the need to have an affair. By all means explain the issues you were having that led to the affair but the deed itself is all on you. You did not have to act on your impulses. Take responsibility and you might actually have a chance of your partner forgiving you.
Telling The Truth Is Always Best
If your partner asks for details, tell them. In a worse case scenario, they cannot or will not forgive you but at this point you've already set up the closing act of the relationship. It is better to answer their questions and be empathetic, so it is up to you to try and fix the situation.
Let’s face it, when embarking on an affair you are thinking with other parts of your body, which means your brain has probably completely switched off.
Whilst the possibility of getting caught and doing something forbidden is part of the attraction of an affair, you should really consider the burden it could have on you (and both your partners). If this affair causes you to lose things that are precious in your life, you really need to go into it with your eyes wide open.
Weigh up the pros and cons. How much fun are you having, versus the stress of constantly lying? Bearing in mind that 75% of affairs end in divorce. Is your relationship fixable, and ultimately, do you really need to cheat?
Keep in mind that there's a lot of paranoia coming in with an affair. In fact, it's quite common to accuse your partner of cheating when you are struggling to keep your stories together.
At the end of the day, we’re not advising you on going out there and having an affair. If you do choose to go down that path, we have just given you the directions to stay as safe and as careful as possible!