Thanks to Rihanna’s wildly popular song from 2011, we’ve all heard about S and M, if only over the radio. But do you know what it’s all about, or why so many people are so fascinated by sadomasochism?

Lucky for you, we are here to demystify everything there is to know about the ins and outs of S and M. And how you can safely get started with it.

Are you tired working out the same-old sex positions each time? Then S and M might just be the next big thing for you!

What Is S And M

S and M is a subset of the broader term of BDSM, which includes: Bondage/Discipline, Dominance/Submission, and Sadism/Masochism. S and M only makes up a third of the overall BDSM experience. Yet some amount of bondage/discipline and dominance/submission is prevalent in (and aids in) the overall experience of S and M.

Man's hand holding a black cloth which is wrapped on a woman's wrists laying on a white sheet. The woman has light blue nails

S For Sadism

Sadism is defined as “the tendency to derive pleasure, especially sexual gratification, from inflicting pain, suffering, or humiliation onto others.” Someone who finds pleasure this way is a sadist.

M For Masochism

Masochism, on the other hand, is defined as “the tendency to derive sexual gratification from one’s own pain or humiliation.” Someone who finds pleasure this way is a masochist.

Some people find enjoyment and sexual gratification from both sadistic and masochistic acts, and those people are sadomasochists.

Why Try S And M

If you are very kinky, a more simple question would be, why not? But knowing what S and M is, always brings up the follow-up question of why do people like S and M?

Think back to how you felt when you last overcame something you thought you couldn’t do. Did you reach the peak of a mountain on a steep hike, or perhaps pass your board exam after endless nights behind books? Think about the ecstasy you felt when you reached that goal and overcame the hard times. Especially for masochists, a lot of the pleasure comes from enduring something difficult, which gives the masochist a sense of ecstasy and empowerment.

Sadists, on the other hand, enjoy the feeling of being in control and having power in choosing the way and intensity that pain gets administered (All within the limits that the masochist has set, of course). Inflicting pain is a source of control for the sadist, and this control releases powerful pleasure endorphins and hormones.

Tattooed woman wearing a sexy purple night dress, kissing and dominating another woman wearing a collar on her neck.

How To Do S And M

There are no rules for how to do S and M, except safely. Everyone who indulges in this sexual experience brings their own personal touch to it, depending on their preferences and turn-ons. But some tips are critical to helping anyone starting out. Here are a few pointers for S and M for beginners…

1. Set Clear Boundaries

This goes for any BDSM play, especially when you start doing it more hardcore. Negotiate beforehand what you are, and aren’t comfortable with doing.

2. Be Sober

Being intoxicated only makes consent a bit muddy, which can get risky. Especially when you have control over someone like you do in S and M. Keep a sober mind or leave it for another time.

3. Communicate Throughout

Communication doesn’t just end at setting boundaries. Consent should be given throughout, and it should be respected when consent gets retracted. Be sure to check in with your partner from time to time.

Woman in doggy style sex position is wearing black underwear, her hands are tied with black rope. Grey Background.

4. Have A Safe Word

With communication, it is important to have an agreed-upon word or phrase to let your partner know when it’s time to slow down or stop. The stoplight safe word system usually works great for most.

5. Aftercare

Winding down afterwards is an essential part of SandM. The experience can be both mentally and physically intense. Your body is flush with endorphins, and the come-down can be jarring. A good cuddle, cleaning up together afterward, or just reflecting are all good ways to bring your mind and body back into the reality of everyday life again.

S And M Equipment

You didn't think there weren't any toys involved, did you? S and M is much more than just spanking someone’s arse while taking them up the rear.

Especially when you want to upgrade your S and M game, bringing in a few pieces of equipment will definitely do the trick. But what is S and M equipment, you ask?

There are loads of different pieces of equipment that you can use. You might want to start slow by using only nipples clamps and maybe a whip or a flogger. If you are experienced and looking for something more hardcore, there are things like the heretic’s fork or CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy) metal cock rings with adjustable spikes. There are so many other S and M toys besides these to choose from too. The options are practically limitless.

It is vitally important to make yourself comfortable with any pain-inflicting toys before using them. The more skilled you get, the more fun the overall experience will be. Always make sure that S and M play is done safely, and don’t go directly to the hardcore things before you are ready for them.

Woman's feet with red nails wearing black leather high heels that  connect with a chain. Black whip in the background

How Hardcore Can It Get

S and M, and BDSM in general, usually gets a bad rap for being extremely hardcore. While most of the experience can just be light fun, there can be a hardcore aspect to it. But only if you decide to go down that dark and kinky rabbit hole.

So what is hardcore S and M? Well, we are glad you asked! S and M can be as hardcore as you and your sex partner want it to be. There is nothing that should be taboo as long as you have both consented to it. Some people love having serious pain inflicted on them, which gives them a rush of endorphins and hormones. The more hardcore you intend to get, the more prepared you need to be. It’s good to have a first aid kit, a charged phone, and a pair of scissors (that can cut through any bondage item) ready when you start.

“Bad girls bible” have got unmatched advice and safety tips for hardcore S and M sex. So be sure to give their article a good read before jumping into the deep end with S and M.

The Takeaway

S and M is actually pretty wholesome when you think about it. Two consenting adults, being vulnerable enough with each other to let each individual express their deepest darkest fantasies without any judgement.

When done correctly, it can be such a liberating experience that vanilla sex just won’t do it for you anymore. Now, how hardcore are you planning to get?