Picture this – you’ve been on a few dates, and you finally think it’s time to get freaky in bed. In another scenario, you may choose to have sex with someone on the first date. In both cases, you are within your rights to do whatever you want because dating rules are quite subjective.

Studies have shown that men usually wait for five dates to pass before having sex, whereas women prefer to wait at least nine dates. There really is no concrete timeframe when it comes to how long you should wait to have sex, but there are some things you should take into consideration before getting down and dirty.

What Are Your Long Term Goals?

Brunette woman in beige night gown sitting on the floor, leaning against the bed and looking outside her window.

If you’re having trouble deciding how soon you should bang someone, ask yourself this question – what do I hope to get out of this? If you’re only looking for a sex buddy or hookups, then by all means, drop those undies and get nasty on the first date.

However, if you’re hoping to eventually form a partnership, then it might be better if you wait a bit before going to pound town. You see – if you’re looking for a romantic relationship, it’s best that you use the first couple of dates to get to know each other, and if there’s chemistry, you can consider the possibility of adding sex to the mix.

After all, jumping in bed with someone right away may lessen the chances of forming an emotional connection.

Are You Sexually Compatible?

Shirtless man and woman in a bra on a bed. The woman is straddling the man and holding his face leaning in for a kiss.

First dates are useful for introductions. They’re somewhat like ice breakers. You’re likely to have a little playful banter and discuss topics such as each other’s professions, hobbies, families, dislikes and likes.

Chances are, you won’t be discussing oral sex and anal over drinks or during a walk in the park. In fact, talking about sex on the first date can actually be a red flag for some people.

Conversations about sexual preferences are more appropriate on the second or even third date. As a result, you may not be well-equipped to please your partner if you have sex on the first date because you have no idea what they’re into. This can leave a bad taste in their mouth, it might even give them the impression that you’re a crappy lover. So, how can you blow someone’s mind if you don’t know anything about their kinks or sexual interests?

On the flip side, you may have a great time shagging someone on the first date, but does that mean that you two are compatible? Not necessarily – you just got dicked down really well or she felt really tight. The same way how people say that love is blind, sex can also cloud people’s judgements. As you get to know your partner, you will find out what turns them on and determine if you two are actually sexually compatible.

Is The Anticipation Worth It?

Blonde woman in purple lingerie sitting on a bed, looking upwards towards the naked legs of a man standing in front of her.

In some cases, it can be. Think about a trip to your dream destination. In the weeks leading up to your holiday, you will undoubtedly be excited and eager to go. The same logic applies to dating and sex.

Waiting to have sex can make it much more exciting and fun. Experts in the field have actually stated that sexual excitement is fueled by “longing or the inability to have what you crave immediately”. As you go out on dates, you may find yourself fantasising more and more about your partner and what you could be doing to their body. Having sex on the first date doesn’t really leave much room or opportunity to do that.

Are You Ready To Have Sex?

Blonde woman in white shirt sitting down with a laptop on her lap and typing. Her shirt is open and she is not wearing a bra.

Hookup culture is real. We live in a time when you can easily find a sex date in your area by swiping right. Sometimes, people have sex way before they’re ready to because of pressure or out of the fear of looking “lame”. This is not what you should be doing. Whether you have sex on the first date, second date or even tenth date, it should always happen at a time when both parties are ready to take the next step.

How Important Is Emotional Intimacy To You?

Brunette man and woman in bed. The woman is wearing a black bra while the man is shirtless, the man is kissing her nape.

Some people find it hard to enjoy sex with someone they don’t have an emotional connection with. Unless you’re only in it to have a one night stand or quick hookup, you should aim to have sex with people who you feel secure with.

Sex feels good overall, but it feels even better when you’re doing it with someone you can be vulnerable with. This type of vulnerability will not magically appear on the first date. In order to achieve this, you have to spend a significant amount of time bonding and getting to know each other.

The Third Date Rule

Lower body of a woman in black lacy lingerie walking closer to a shirtless man in black bottoms sitting on a bed.

The third date rule dictates that people should wait until the third date to shag. It’s a rule that mainly women (not all) reinforce. The theory behind it is that first date sex can send a message that a female is too easy.

The same logic applies to the second date, but it really doesn’t have any scientific backing. Everyone is different. Some women don’t need three dates in order to decide whether they want to have sex or not. As stated previously, a lot of women prefer to wait until at least the ninth date to bang.

So, How Many Dates Before Having Sex?

Unless you’re in a rush to get laid, there’s no harm in playing the waiting game. This will give you sufficient time to get to know your partner and feel comfortable with them. On the other hand, if you’re only seeking a casual relationship, then be merry and have sex on the first date. There’s no shame in that if your partner is DTF too.

There really is no concrete rule on when it’s appropriate to have sex. It’s often a personal or even situational decision. As long as you’re having consensual sex, there’s no need to fret over timeframes and deadlines. Have sex when you’re ready to with people who make you feel comfortable. It’s as simple and easy as that.